Friday April 29 With Simon Kuper

Finns do it, Greeks talk about it

MLS Rankings & Reasonings for Friday April 29

Rank Number, Team Name & Reasons Why:

01 New England - After their ferocious clobbering of Chicago in midweek (and on the road) this team shows they are the best right now. Maybe not as good individually as Dallas, but over all they have an even better offense. Twellman, Noonan, Dempsey, Cancela, Ralston, Joseph, Riley, Leonard, Dorman. All have gotten into the scoring action this year. The squad scored 4 at DC and 3 at Chicago without their top assister Ralston. They will need more defense for the long haul though, cuz sooner or later Avery John's inabilities, and Michael Parkhursts rookie-ness are going to cost them back there.

02 FC Dallas - An offensive machine. This team is going to get better too. Mulrooney, Ruiz, Johnson, O'Brien. Wow are they good together! So much for the mythological MLS-AEG conspiracy against Dallas. And they have a decent defense to boot. The only draw back is that they have not beaten anyone really good yet. This week will be a test.

03 Los Angeles - Are they any good? Will they rise to join the elite? We shall see cuz they get Dallas next. They beat the two expansion teams thoroughly at home, but got spanked on the road by an average 'lumbus team. They can score! And they look kinda mean. Who knows what happens next. They played great the first half of last year too.

04 Chicago - A clear drop off from the top two or three. Beaten badly at home, and they only showed offense when it was desperation time. I have no idea how they have the points they do have. Probably because they are good old fashioned tough bastards. It's certainly not pretty to watch. But 2 wins, a draw, and 2 losses is still a pretty good start for a team with no real starting forwards.

05 San Jose - They got a win finally. They needed it badly with only 2 points after leading all 3 of their previous matches. The win was over KC who I still think has all the tools to make it to the finals. SJ have proven they can score though, and Ching doesn't need Donovan behind to score either. Could DeRo be their engine?

06 Kansas City - Win the first game, draw the second, lose the third. Not much of a trajectory. Giving up 7 goals is not good either. I bet Fat Tony is sitting on his couch gorging on Pringles With Messages From Survivor chips and laughing his ass off.

07 Colorado - Well. What can you say besides these two words: Joe. Cannon. After giving up 3 to KC in the season opener they have been a well oiled defensive machine, only giving up 1 goal total (including shutting out Dallas). Problem is they have only scored 2 since the first match. Where is Jeff Cunningham?

08 Columbus - What do you want me to write here? I have no idea who this team even is. I recognize names on the roster, but that's about it.

09 DC United - Too many games to start the season perhaps. Nope, that's not it. Have you seen these guys play defense? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! It's hysterical to watch. Did you see David Stokes take out his own keeper? Did you see Boswell run over Twellman in the box for no reason? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh my god they are bad on defense! Please stop, yer killing me over here.

10 Real Salt Lake - Expansion team. What else can you say, I fully expect them and Chivas to be awful and finish at #11 and 12 for the season.

11 Chivas USA - The other expansion team. Same as above. They are worse than RSL. And Ryan Suarez answers no defensive questions for them. Outside of scoring on the free kick that everyone missed, did they even have a real shot at Kevin Hartman the other night. No, they did not.

12 Metrostars - Welcome to the bottom of the barrel dudes. So you get the best deal in the league by playing your first three games at home. If you are any good you get all 9 points. Now many do they have? 2! Now go hit the road and learn how to play. Then come back and talk to me. Until then you are officially the worst frickin team in the league.

Bathroom Reading

A couple things you need to read:
Rob Hughes from the International Herald Tribune writes about the success of AC Milan. Shevchenko Keeps His Cool In Harsh Glare Of Spotlight
and
From SoccerNet, written by Robert Gotta. Our pal Keeper Ken fell in love with Fiorentina during his stay in Italy last year, so I thought a story about this historical and controversial club was appropriate. Indifference Ball Game

A Spot Of News

-Columbus signed Panama U20 midfielder Luis Gallardo. He is a starter for the team that will play in the World Championship this summer.
-Results from the UEFA Cup first-leg semifinals: Sporting Lisbon beat visiting AZ Alkmaar 2-1, while Parma and CSKA Moscow drew 0-0. Reverse legs next Thursday.
-One of my favorite new young players, James Riley of New England, injured his hamstring during the beatdown of Chicago on Wednesday night, and will probably not play on Saturday against Chivas USA.
-Eric over at Ramblings of a Soccer Junky points out that the Galaxy v Chivas match was the highest rated MLS game on ESPN2 ever. And thats after the joke that set the game back over an hour in TV start time. See, ESPN! There are people who wanna watch. So quit jerkin us around. You bastards!

The Young 'ens

Who are the young players getting a shot in MLS so far this season? Not nessecarliy first year players, but rather young players who are getting their first real shot at regular playing time. Most of those listed below are first year players, but there are a couple of second year guys too. The players with a * next to their name are the ones I think have done really well for themselves. Let's see where this goes as the weeks flow by.

*James Riley - NE
*Michael Parkhurst - NE
*Chris Rolfe - Chicago
*Chad Barrett - Chicago
*Thiago Gaucho - Chicago
*Clarence Goodson - FC Dallas
*Ugo Ihemelu - LA
*Paulo Nagamura - LA
Luke Kreamalmeyer - RSL
Hunter Freeman - Colo
Guy Melamed - Colo
*Danny O'Rourke - SJ
Ryan Kelly - Colu
Bobby Boswell - DC
*Clyde Simms - DC
*Scott Sealy- KC
Brad Guzan - Chivas
*Michael Bradley - Metro
*Tim Ward - Metro
Carlos Mendes - Metro
Zach Wells - Metro

MLS On National TV This Weekend

*Kansas City v DC United at 3pm on ESPN2 (a rematch of last years Cup final)
*New England v Chivas USA at 6:30pm on FSC
And now......
Rumor has it we will all get to see the Gunfight Showdown Match of the Week:
*Los Angeles v FC Dallas at 9pm on FSC

die Nachrichten

-With all the injuries piling up on DC United's back line, they have brought in Carlos Llamosa on trial.
-San Jose defender Troy Dayak is gonna hang it up at the end of this season. Sadly, I think its about a season or two too late. Just look at how bad they are leaking goals this year. He is going to coach some sort of indoor team. Also, I never liked him.
-Coach Sigi Schmid and his USA U-20 squad will be playing in the Twin Cities in mid-May as part of their warm ups for the 2005 FIFA World Youth Championship which will take place in Holland from June 10-July 2. The team will be taking on Canada U-20 at the NSC in Blaine on Wed May 18 at 735pm
-I love reading Soccer America's MLS CONFIDENTIAL. Always some great scooping going on. Today's headline is: 'Game' facts; Not so much Wizardry

Sweet Fancy Nacogdoches

Did you see Clint Dempsey, the man from Nacogdoches TX, in action last night. He is really good. And very exciting to watch. You don't know where he is going to pop up on the field, or what he is going to do with the ball. He may be the most exciting American I have seen since the other Clint exploded on to the scene. We have to hope though, that Dempsey is not Mathis.
Being the reigning MLS Player Of The Week seemed to spur Dempsey on. He played like he had decided that he wants to make the award all his own for a while. Fine with me, cuz he's brilliant out there. His team beat up Chicago pretty bad, in Chicago, 3-0. Dempsey, Noonan and Twellman all scored! I think New England is gonna be number 1 next week, unless Dallas really pulls off something special on Saturday night.
And Glenn Davis of the Houston Chronicle is obviously a genius, cuz he feels the same way I do about Dempsey.

More On Lopsidegate

A more in-depth look, via Joe J, on the bizarrely hilarious misshapen field in DC. Written by the top quality journalist Steven Goff at the Washington Post.

The News From Ichikoo Park

-PSV didn't have a chance yesterday, did they. Milan showed again why they are so powerful. 2-0 win at home, now they just have to hold it together next week on the road and they are thru to the Champions League final.
-Chelsea is gonna do the same thing to Liverpool today (only worse)
-So it seems as though this sharing of the stadium with a baseball team is not going so hot for DC. Joe J tells us that one side of the field is 6 yards longer than the other! How does that happen? 6 yards longer? It still hasn't helped the home side much though has it.
-Columbus Crew midfielder Ross Paule has been forced to retire at age 29 because of Post-Concussion Syndrome. I thought he looked to be really coming on strong the last two years, but the steady string of concussions held him out for longer and longer periods of time. Its a shame. I have seen the effect that multiple concussions can have on a person and it is not good. Paule is set to become a coach for the Crew reserve squad. Good luck to Ross.
-With Columbus acquiring Cornell Glen from Dallas yesterday, they have released Dante Washington today.

Read The News & Weep

-New England Revs midfielder & diving header specialist Clint Dempsey is the MLS player of the week. I bet he won for the goal celebration!
-Even though Eddie Lewis just had his appendix removed they are saying he will be ready to play for the USA in the next 2 World Cup Qualifiers on June 4th & 8th.
-What is the deal with old washed up French World Cup stars being linked to MLS. We already have Djorkaeff, yesterday it was Frank Lebouf rumored to be heading to LA, and today it's Lauren Blanc talking to Metrostars. Come on! Unless it's Michael Platini I don't want to hear about it. Or Zidane, maybe.
-Dallas has released Eric Quill from his contract.
-Rumor has it that Glasgow Rangers keeper Ronald Waterreus wants to play in MLS next season. Puh-lease Grandpa.

Wahl on Beasley

Sports Illustrated soccer writer (and really nice guy) Grant Wahl has a great interview with our main man in Holland, DaMarcus Beasley.
See DMB today in the Champions League semifinals as his team PSV shocks Milan.

NEWS FLASH: According to the PSV website, DMB may be in the first XI today!!

Other Champions League news from AC Milan: There will be at least one hole in Milans brilliant defense as centerback Nesta is suspended for this match. The other centerback Jaap Stam was slightly injured in the teams match over the weekend. And top notch midfielders Pirlo and Rui Costa also have varying injuries. On the other hand I would not be surprised to see all 3 in the starting lineup and play with no hesitations.

"Soccer Isn't Fit For America"

A Letter To The Sports Editor of the Mobile Register in Mobile, Alabama:
How can the Alabama High School Athletic Association encourage soccer as a sport? There's photographic evidence in Saturday's paper of two young men leading with their unhelmeted, unprotected heads. What other sport encourages you to strike other objects with your head, possibly causing severe injury? This is insane and stupid. Besides, soccer is meant for countries where you have domestic cattle and chickens roaming in the street. We're too advanced a society (!!) to encourage a sport that encourages you to strike a ball with your head.
(unsigned)

Monday Afternoon Weekend Backtrack News

-Clint Dempsey sprang one of his wild diving headers for the game winner on Saturday night in DC. Then he did one of the best goal scorers celebrations I have ever seen. He used that baseball diamond on the RFK field as his prop. He ran to where home plate would be, settled into the batters box, and cranked the imaginary pitch into the upper deck seats!
-Eddie Lewis had to have his appendix removed and will not play for Preston again this season. This seems to be quite a blow to Preston who are trying to get promoted from the Championship League to the Premiership.
-MLS continues to be second rate on ESPN. The LA derby on Saturday night was delayed waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long when the NFL draft coverage ran overtime by about an hour! An hour! Finally they tape delayed the whole game after the NFL coverage. But as Joe J points out ESPN rubbed an infection into our wounds by running their stupid sports scoreboard ticker across the bottom of the screen with real time scores from the match, showing LA going up 1-0, then 2-0 and finally 3-0 before we got to see any of it. To quote Joe: "Thanks, ESPN. Shitheads!" MLS needs to get out of the cycle of this horrible third world treatment by "The Sports Leader".
-The Galaxy-Goats game, by the way, was fabulous for the Galaxy fans like myself. A 3-1 win. The first half was an absolute ass-kicking.
-Did you see the goal by Wayne Rooney on Saturday against Newcastle. The goal was amazing. A serious bomb! Go find it on line or something.
-With a win on Saturday, Sunderland won automatic promotion to the Premiership for next year. Good luck to the Irishman in charge, Mick McCarthy.
-In Serie A, Milan beat Parma 3-0 & Juve beat Lazio 1-0 to remain tied at the top of the table. Both teams have 73 points with 5 games left to play. The biggest match will be when they face each other on May 8 at the San Siro.
-Dallas is sitting at the top of the MLS standings, but because their new stadium was not ready to open on time, the schedule laid out in front of them has seven of the next eight matches on the road. Its starts off with the hardest of them all - at LA. Here are the games Dallas play over the next two months:
Apr 30 at Los Angeles
May 07 at Kansas City
May 14 at San Jose
May 18 vs Colorado
May 22 at Chivas USA
May 28 at DC United
Jun 04 at Real Salt Lake
Jun 12 at Chicago
-More Dallas news: Cornell Glen has been sent to Columbus. And Ecuadorian Roberto Mina has officially signed with the team after his visa was cleared.
-Bob Bradley seems to be feeling a heavy strain from the horrid start to the season for his Metro (and as Hoffa creeps nearer). He got into some sort of uncomfortable exchange with a journalist after another home match without a win on Friday night (0-1 loss to Chicago).
-I am now going to continue my rant from last week about ESPN TV Coverage. ESPN2 will only be showing one of the two Champions League Semifinals this week. Wednesday's Chelsea-Liverpool match is live at 1:30pm central time, but Tuesday's Milan-PSV match is not being shown (Hey ESPN - You Suck!) Luckily both of next weeks return legs will be shown. So why show only one the first week and then both the next? What is the point? I guess it much be because ESPN SUCKS!

La Pichichi

Phil Ball on The Top Strikers In La Liga

Lame Lame Lame

On Saturday night, Eddie "Popey" Pope of Real Salt Lake got a straight red card after hacking down Dallas forward Ed "Grown Ass Man" Johnson. While it clearly was a foul, I didn't think it looked nearly worthy of red, maybe a yellow, and possibly not even that. I felt bad for Pope.
But then I read this in the Dallas Morning News today:
FC Dallas fans gasped as Eddie Johnson lay on the turf in obvious pain for about two minutes after Eddie Pope's awkward 72nd-minute challenge, getting called for a foul that earned the well-respected U.S. international defender an immediate expulsion.
Afterward, Johnson said he was faking the injury, hoping to draw the foul.
"I still can't do it as well as him," Johnson said, laughing, and pointing toward teammate Carlos Ruiz.
That's just plain lame on Johnsons part.
So Pope gets three games for the red card. How many does Johnson get for admitting he faked it? I say he gets three also!

PSV Eindhoven Beats Vitesse to Clinch Eredivisie Title

(released just moments ago)
PSV Eindhoven Beats Vitesse to Clinch Title
By REUTERS
Published: April 23, 2005
Filed at 4:29 p.m. ET
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - PSV Eindhoven cruised to a 3-0 win over Vitesse Arnhem to seal its 18th league championship in the Nettherlands Saturday.
Even without half a team of starters, PSV had no problems disposing of Vitesse after first half goals of Park Ji-Sung and Mark van Bommel.
Park broke the deadlock midway through the first half when he pulled the trigger from 22 yards and then set up skipper Van Bommel to double the lead a minute before the break.
Gerald Sibon made it 3-0 with three minutes to go.
``This is a very unexpected but beautiful title'' said an emotional coach Guus Hiddink.
``This team is the ideal mix of young talented players and experienced older winners.''

Du Nord MLS Rankings for April 22

01 FC Dallas
02 Kansas City
03 New England
04 DC United & Columbus
06 Chicago
07 Los Angeles
08 Real Salt Lake
09 San Jose
10 Colorado
11 Metrostars & Chivas USA

WHY:
01 Only Dallas looks to be able to stop Dallas early in the season. They have the weapons in Johnson, Ruiz & O'Brien. Can the defense hold? They get the fresh Real meat at home on Saturday.
02 Had the chance to pulverize Metro last week and blew it. The defense failed again. That makes 6 goals allowed in just 2 games played. They talk like they are going to take every other team apart. They have a chance to do it in San Jose
03 The best front 5 in MLS. Had the week off.
04 TIE: DC had a very very tough week, with 3 games in six days, and it did not go well. But the end of the match in Columbus showed what might happen as the year develops: Esky-Moreno-Gomez-Adu all on the field together. On the other hand, without Namoff or any new defenders coming in, they could just get smoked by NE (who want revenge for last years playoff loss). Columbus is a total mystery to me. They have the team, all the way around. I guess it must be the coach who is holding them back year after year.
06 The Fire have to still be reeling and wandering after the whole Peter Wilt debacle. Can they score? Nice steal of the points over SJ.
07 LA also had the week off. So which team will show up this week: 3-0 winners, or 0-3 losers. Did you know I hate Steve Sampson?
08 RSL got the win in their home debut. And the crowd was righteous. (In Your Face Chivas!) They looked decent too. DJ Countess is going to cost them games though. Is this where Fat Tony will get the call from?
09 SJ is in trouble, they have no idea how bad their defense might be.
10 The Rapids stink. But they have Joe Cannon so they are not the worst. If Cunningham and Peguero ever play the whole team will be 100% better then they are right now.
11 TIE: Metro & Chivas tied together like two dudes who crossed the mafia and ended up wearing the same pair of cement overshoes while swimming the Mississippi River. Both do have potential, especially the Mets. But they have to get it together soon. Chivas? I have no idea. They don't look like they have the players. Better go get some Jorge!

Kuper On Chelsea

Chelsea swap tinpot times for triumph By Simon Kuper

Yowza Yowza, The News After Its Been Sent Thru The Mig-filter

-In Serie A we now have a tie for the lead as Milan beat Cheivo 1-0 and Juve lost to my Inter 1-0. I would put my money on Milan to take it, cuz they are on a serious roll.
-PSV will play either Ajax or Willem II on May 29 for the Amstel Cup.
-Remember a couple weeks ago when I chastised the guys from Fox Football Friday over their constant beating on Graeme Souness the Newcastle manager. I thought he was doing a good job and handling some awful players in the correct manner? Well, I take almost all of it back. He still did a good job in getting rid of that cretin Craig Bellamy, but he should have axed Bowyer and Dier too. The real kicker is that their are only 6 teams worse than them in the Prem. That's really bad for a team with that much talent and support. Sorry Graeme, you gotta go.
-The Premiership relegation battle looks like this (all teams play 38 total games and the bottom three go down, ties are settled by lowest goal differential):
rank team games points goal diff
15 Fulham 33 35 -14
16 Portsmouth 34 35 -15
17 West Brom 33 29 -21
18 Southampton 34 28 -18
19 Crystal Palace 34 27 -22
20 Norwich 34 27 -30
-More from Tobias Lopez in Fort Worth, this time on the near total deficiency of minority hiring in MLS coaching & upper management. Hell, even Chivas has a white guy for a head coach. Do MLS front offices not know that they need some international flavor in their ranks if the really want to connect with the minority immigrant fans.
-It looks like Eddie Gaven might actually play this weekend. He had gruesomely broken a finger a couple weeks back when playing for the USA U-20 squad. It required surgery, and three pins to hold it together.
-Here is some big and potentially huge news.....Setanta, the people who bring us most of the Pay Per View matches are launching their own channel here in the USA via DIRECTV. Hopefully they will expand to other dish and cable providers. Do you realize that we will now have 3 networks dedicated just to showing the beautiful game in America.
-Seth Trembly has joined RSL
-It looks to me like PSV can win the Eredivisie title with a win on Saturday.
-Also - PSV are known as De Boeren. Does anyone know what that means?
-The cueball-goalkeeper-in-a-fur-coat known as Fab Barthez of Marseille has been slapped with a 3 month suspension for spitting on a referee. He got off lucky considering he could have gotten a full year off. The incident happened on February 12 during a friendly with Wydad Casablanca in Morocco. Fab wasn't even in the game when it happened. He was sitting on the bench, so he actually had to run on the field an spit at the man. Peckerhead!

Sucky Fucky Fi' Dolla'

On Tuesday April 26, 2005 there will be a fantastic looking soccer match being played. The Champions League Semifinal pitting heavily favored powerhouse AC Milan against highly explosive newcomer, and massive underdog PSV.
ESPN2 owns the rights to broadcast this game in America.
Are they going to show it?
Of course not.
Do you know what they are showing at that time?
Well, I'll tell ya:
2004 World Series Of Poker Presented By Miller High Life (Yeah, year old poker!) - 1:00 pm to 2:00 pm
Wire To Wire (Whatever that is?!?!?) - 2:00 pm to 2:30 pm
Stump The Schwab (Whatever the flippin' flack THAT is?!?!? - I assume that's some sorta birthdefect porn.) - 2:30 pm to 3:00 pm
So there ya go.
Better this than nothing.
Good call ESPN, me love you long time.

Prediction: Bradley Will Be The First To Go

Faithful reader (and all-together West Hollywood Ass Kicker) Joe chimes in with his prognosis on who will be the first MLS coach shown the door this year -
i think bradley will get hoffa'd. His press conferences go like this:
"well, I though we played very well. uh. uh. We are coming along well."
uh, right.
right this way....
EXIT

Amstel Cup News From Holland

Today it's Feyenord and Corey Gibbs taking on PSV and DaMarcus Beasley, in the Holland version of the FA Cup, the Amstel Cup.
Here's the action:
Feyenord takes the lead after only 4 minutes.
It's a slug fest for the next 85 minutes.
But on 89 minutes our hero Run DMB slams home is own rebound for the big one to tie it all up.
Regulation ends and they go to extra time.
Will Beasley be a Super Hero today?
Maybe Gibbs will?!?!
First extra periods settle nothing.
PSV pours it on in the second extra period.
Beasley cranks it up another notch going for the winner.
But he and his team just can't break through.
PK's ensue.
Van Bommel makes it 1-0 PSV.
Ono ties it at 1-1 for Feye.
Farfan is stuffed for PSV and its still 1-1 with advantage now to Feye..
Goor hits the bar for Feye, still 1-1.
Park makes it 2-1 for PSV.
Lazovic ties it again at 2-2.
Robert scores for 3-2.
De Graaf blasts it over the bar for Feye, still 3-2, now advantage PSV.
Lucius for the win.....
....and he does it 4-2 to PSV!
Great for them.
As soon as they are ready, you can see all the highlights here at Goalzzz! (special thanks to bluedaddy19 - you are awesome man!)

News Phlashes

-Doctors finally found out what was wrong with my favorite DC United defender Bryan Namoff. He has a broken rib! For 3 weeks they have been working on the assumption that he had a problem with the muscles in his back, but the injury wasn't getting any better. Now he knows why. He will now probably miss another month of the season. How obvious has it been that he is out of the lineup?!?!
- John Harkes, Tab Ramos and Marcelo Balboa will be this year's inductee's into the US National Soccer Hall of Fame. And here is the list of the rest of the top ten voting (stolen from Big Apple Soccer): 4. Thomas Dooley 72 votes 5. Hugo Perez 62 6. Peter Vermes 57 7. Carlos Valderrama 54 8. Bruce Murray 42 9. Peter Nowak 32 10. Roy Wegerle 31
-Duncan Oughton from the Columbus Crew is going to miss the entire 2005 season trying to recover from the knee injury he sustained last fall. It had not recovered properly, so he has had surgery to transplant some cartilage. Good luck ya ol' Kiwi.
-Another old Frenchy World Cup star, Frank Leboeuf, has been in contact with the Galaxy about playing for them. He currently gets paid a ton of money in Qatar. So why would he come here to play for little? Hmmmmm.
-The Revs have signed Bermuda national team striker Khano Smith from his current club Dandytown. What a great name for a club. It must be named after me and my style! At one time he played in the old A-League here in America for Carolina Dynamo, and has played 15 times for his country. He is 6'4" tall, which means he will probably be a rail thin string bean type guy – maybe like Kanu (but sorry to say, less talented). Speaking of that, why doesn't somebody take a run at a guy like Kanu when the Premiership season ends. WHY NOT!
-Oh Yeah! This is great to see. An article from the LA Times Editorial page: Soccer vs. Fútbol, Galaxy vs. Goats -- L.A.'s Ethnicity as Sport by Andres Martinez
-American soccer is..., a great article by another great soccer writer - Tobias Xavier Lopez from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. This is from the US National Player Assoc website.

The Fantasmagasmical Jimmy Conrad

KC defender Jimmy Conrad has been communicating directly with the public over the last three years with his regular "column" previously for Sports Illustrated and now for ESPN
He is smart as a whip and retardedly funny. One of his favorite ploys is to ask his teammates stupid questions
Like, "do you prefer...":
Mohawk or Mullet?
Tupac or Notorious B.I.G.?
Being caught checking yourself out in the mirror or mispronouncing a word while telling a story in front of a group of people?
Our team travel attire to be khakis or sweats?
A night out would be spent at Mi Cocina, The Grand Emporium, or your couch at home?
Napoleon Dynamite or Ray?

Check 'im out now, the funk soul brother

The Neeeeeeeeeewwzzzzzzzzah

-After last weeks insane flare throwing contest that took place during the Inter v Milan Champions League quarterfinal derby, UEFA has fined Inter a small amount of money and ordered them to play their next 6 home European competition matches in an empty stadium. The only stipulation to the punishment, is that after the first 4 games have been played, UEFA will review all home and away Inter matches in all competitions, and if there is no further crowd disturbances, then the final two games of the ban will be suspended for three years, and dropped if things stay sane during that time.
-Jon Busch is the MLS player of the week for April 18.
-Sepp "Leaky" Blatter will run for a third term as FIFA President.
-Yuri Syomin was named new coach of Russia. I don't know who he is or what he has accomplished previously. Maybe someone out there can tell us.
-Go check out the ugly cheap shot that Cleetus Mathis laid on this new kid from the Galaxy two weeks ago. I had not heard about it at all until the fine was announced. How did he not get red carded for this one, or at least suspended afterwards. (Video included with article.) In the footage you will hear announcer Allen Hopkins makes reference to the dark side of Cleetus. No kidding.
-This Weeks MLS Schedule (all times are for the central zone):
Friday, April 22
MetroStars v Chicago at 7pm on ESPN2
Saturday, April 23
DC United v New England at 6:30pm on Fox Soccer Channel & HDNet
FC Dallas v Real Salt Lake at 7pm
Colorado v Columbus 8pm
Los Angeles v Chivas USA at 9pm on ESPN2
San Jose v Kansas City at 9pm

Ryan Suarez, World Class Cheap Shot Artist, Hurts Himself During Game

During the match last Saturday in L.A. against Chivas, FC Dallas scored the winner on a Carlos Ruiz PK after Ryan Suarez dragged him down in the penalty box.
Of course Suarez was booked for the take down, but that was the least of his punishment.
The real reprimand was handed out when Suarez slammed his head straight into his own keeper, Brad Guzan, and appeared to hurt himself badly.
After the two collided Suarez rolled onto his back clutching his head, then rolled back onto his stomach, and laid very still as if he had been shot dead.
They say he was knocked out, but I just can't see it, seeing as he was able to roll over not once, but twice. Now, he may have suffered a nasty concussion, but I have seen "knocked out", and this he was not.
Oh I know that people will see me as unsympathetic, but it's basically a fact that Suarez is a world class cheap shot artist, diver, and crybaby. And on this particular play, it looked to me that as Ruiz went to the ground, Suarez tried to intentionally hurt him by diving, as hard as he could, straight at him in an attempt to land with all his weight right on top of Ruiz. Suarez didn't try to break his fall at all, but unfortunately for Suarez he kind of bounced off Ruiz and his momentum carried him head first into Guzan's chest and shoulder.
It looked pretty bad, and I do feel bad that the guy got hurt, (I also hear his wife is about to have a baby and this is the last thing she needs) but maybe it's true that you reap what you sew.

Simon Kuper On The Joys Of Women And Men (No, Not Like That You Pervert)

Team-mates from Mars and Venus

Phil Ball On El Liverpool

This weeks Phil Ball column features Spains fave English team: Liverpool, and of course Spanish futebol.

Who Is Going First?

Is Thomas Rongen getting the boot at Chivas? ( 3 matches, 2 losses at home, one draw on the road, dismal home attendance.)
How about Dom Kinnear in San Jose? (Two draws and a loss to start the season, plus, they had the lead in all three games.)
Or Maybe it's Bob Bradley with Metrostars? (this is his third full year and it just doesn't seem to be getting off the ground. Two home matches and two draws. Is it the curse of Hoffa?)
I have a feeling that one of these fellas is not going to last till the end of May. Hell, maybe not till the end of April.
Who do you think will be the first MLS coaching casualty of 05?
Send me the name, team and explanation, and I will post it here.
wolfdruce at gmail dot com

Du Nord MLS Weekly Rankings (A Day Early)

Hey there. I am going to be out of town tomorrow so I thought I would post my weekly MLS rantings a day early. Let it roll:

1 Kansas City
2 DC United
3 FC Dallas
4 New England
5 TIE: Columbus & Chicago
7 Los Angeles
8 TIE: Colorado & San Jose
10 TIE: Metrostars & Chivas USA & Real Salt Lake

WHY:
1. KC had no match so they can't be punished and stay at the top, by default.
2. DC is held to a home draw by Chicago and falls out of first. They do have a brutal schedule right now though, with Champions Cup on Wed night, followed quickly by a match at Columbus on Friday night. Will they survive?
3. FCD - while they showed no offense, they did go on the road and keep a clean sheet. This is enough to keep you right where you are.
4. NE put a whoopin on Columbus in their home opener, following that 2nd half comeback on the road in week 1. The top 5 guys going at the goal look like a serious handful for anyone. If the back line holds they will be damn good. Luckily for them, their coach knows a little bit about how to play d.
5. TIE: Columbus drops like a bag of dirt after getting creamed by NE. Fraser looked a little old. Schulte looked a little gassed. Buddle didn't seem to be involved much. The tie goes to Chicago, who pulled out a great 1-1 road draw at RFK. That is a very good one for them. Words has it that Big Zach might not be in the nets due to injury suffered in the last game. There is a chance that I have them ranked way too high.
7. LA gets Baby Jesus on the field and teaches one of the new kids a harsh lesson. I still hate Steve Sampson.
8. TIE: Colo can't score at home, but doesn't get scored on either. Is this good? Not really. Ya gots ta win at home dudes! I would hate to be a fan of the Rapids. And this week both their top strikers are out hurt - Jeff Cunningham & Jean Phillipe Peguero. Tie goes to San Jose who have blown a lead at home two weeks in a row. They should have 6 points, but they have 2. Their defense and goalkeeper do not look good. Onstad is suddenly old. Dayak and Weibel were never that good to start with. Cochrane is lost, and Wade Barrett wishes he had stayed in Scandinavia. Suspended Eddie Robinson is not the answer. So I guess they need Danny Califf healthy now.
10. TIE: Mets were idle so they stay the same. Chivas jumps up to tie after a good offensive showing in SJ, but they still have no defense at all. RSL drops quickly after a poor showing in LA. They must win at home against Colo this weekend to save some early face. (And I predict they will NOT do it this weekend, and then they will be in last place, unless Metro beats em too it.)

The Match-Ups:
Fri Apr 15
Columbus v DC United at 7pm central on ESPN2
Sat Apr 16
Real Salt Lake vs Colorado at 2pm central on ESPN2
MetroStars v Kansas City not broadcast nationally
Chicago v San Jose at 7:30pm central on Fox Soccer Channel
Chivas v Dallas at 9pm central on HDNet

Michael Lewis Breaks Another Story

The man from Big Apple Soccer who brought us the story of the downfall of Peter Wilt, now tells us that Tab Ramos will be announced next week as a new inductee into the U.S. National Soccer Hall Of Fame. Yeah, I know it doesn't quite have the same vigor as Peter The Great getting a sneak attack beat-down from "The Man", but it's pretty cool for Tab.

Oooooooooofff, Ouch, & Oh Yeah!

-DC United took a hard shot to the nether regions last night down in Mexico City in the Champions Cup. I only got to see the first half, which was quite respectable (1-0 to Pumas). But I woke up this morning and saw the final was 5-0. Holy Moly. Mike Petke got the red card, and those other two defenders they had on the field were shaky looking enough with him around. I can only imagine how bad it got with Petke out. David Stokes and Bobby Boswell are some serious liabilities for DC. Prideaux and Namoff better get healthy quick. I still can't figure out why DC was not able to find some good new defenders during this past off season. It was the only position they needed to fill, and they failed to bring in one real player. Unbelievable. So hats off to Pumas UNAM who move on to the CONCACAF Champions Cup final vs Suprissa or Monterey (who face off tonite tied at 2-2).
-On a better note, our man the Jitterbug, DaMarcus Beasley, screams into the Champions League Semifinal as his PSVer's TKOed Lyon on PK's. (I tried to get a lot of initials into that sentence). As a reward they get to face AC Milan, who look like a machine out there, plowing their way, unstoppably, to the title. And - Liverpool held off Juve to make it thru as well, and will face Chelsea in an all-England semi. Some very cool upsets if you ask me. Soooooooo, the Semifinals look like this:
AC Milan v PSV Eindhoven
1st leg on April 26 in Milano at the San Siro
2nd leg on May 4 in Eindhoven at the Philips Stadium
Chelsea FC v Liverpool FC
1st leg on April 27 in West London at Stamford Bridge
2nd leg on May 4 in Merseyside at Anfield
I assume all four matches will be shown live in America on ESPN2 (but I wouldn't bet my house on it, they may have to show some billiards trick shooting tournament, or a bass fishing special, or maybe re-runs of their bitchin' fictional show about poker players - it's as shitty as Dream Team too.)
-Real Salt Lake signed Trinidadian midfielder Leslie "Tiger" Fitzpatrick from the Atlanta Silverbacks. He can play Saturday if RSL need him against Colorado. This will be the first ever home match for RSL. They are expecting a big crowd. You can see the match on ESPN2 at 2pm central time.

The Glue Sniffin' & The News Sniffin'

-Well, my team is out of the Champions League. Inter totally blew the first match (last week), and this week in the return leg, the moronic fans in the stands did the rest of the work in AC Milans victory. Milan scored to make it 3-0 on aggregate, so some frickin idiot throws a road flare onto the pitch which hit Milan keeper Dida! The ref called the match immediately. So that's it. Milan are thru to the semifinals. As for the flare thrower I say, "Jolly good show old chap." Let's see how many games Inter will have to play to an empty house after this incident. I bet its at least 3. What is wrong with Italian fans? Did the Pope's death really upset them that much?
-Pictures: Dida gets hit by flare and then the whole pitch appears to be on fire
-Chelsea is also in the into the semi's. They got the better of Oli Khan and his merry band of butt-ugly German henchmen.
-San Jose Mercury News soccer writer Dylan Hernandez has his own MLS rankings!
-The LA Galaxy is celebrating their tenth season with "A Decade Of Stars". Its a little cheesy, but at least they acknowledge the past. At the site you can vote for an all time LA best 11, the best games, and best goals. Plus other stuff I'm sure.

You Call That Thing A Pitch?

I watched New England whup-up on Columbus last Saturday night, in the home opener for the Revs. NE looks like they have the strong offense that I thought they were going to show. The draw back was that nasty field they played on. The stadium is a palace, and the football team they share the place with would never even step onto that mess. Hell the football lines from months ago were still showing. Almost all the grass was dead, and every time someone went in for a tackle a dust and sand cloud came flying up. What a joke.
This morning I went to the Rev's web site and found their "Contact Us" section.
I sent them this email:

Hi Revs
Being from Minneapolis, I am not a fan of your team, but rather all of MLS.
I watched your team play last Saturday on Fox Soccer Channel and was horrified by the look of the pitch.
Shame on you!
You should be embarrassed to have that dead cow-pasture looking thing shown on TV. I know winter is just ending, but there is no way you should have a field looking that bad for the season opener.
I think it disrespects your fans who pay money to see the team.
I hope you all are embarrassed by how bad it looked. If I ran the league you would get an earful from me.
That is no way to advertise what looks like a very potent squad.
It's up to you, the club, to make it all as attractive as possible for me the viewer and fan. If you want me to return to view your team you better start making it at least look good.
Good luck with that, and take care.
Bruce

If I get a response I will share it with you.

This Is Where I Am Going To Be Tonite

If yer in town, stop by and we can lift one.

Minnesota Thunder Supporters Summit at The Liffey
175 W 7th St in St Paul
(the Liffey is actually located in the Holiday Inn-RiverCenter, kitty corner from Xcel Energy Center)
7pm til ......?

A Little Bit Of Soul & News

-Despite all the talk of the contrary, it turns out that Chivas USA not only doesn't have the best fans in all of MLS, they actually have the worst! This story is kind of irony I like: Before the season started we all know that the brand new Chivas got all the pub about their amazing fans and the atmosphere they were going to be creating etc etc etc blah blah blah. The owner, Vergara, kept telling us that el Chivalitos were gonna show the rest of us how its done. Guess what Jorge? You drew 18,000 to your grand opening party. The worst home debut attendance for any new MLS team ever! EVER!! SIEMPRE!!!!!!! The next weekend at the same stadium, the Galaxy sold out their home opener, with over 27,000 strong! Way to go People of the Galaxy. Stuff the goats! I can't wait for the first derby (Saturday April 23, 8pm central time on ESPN2). The Gals will put a serious beat-down on the Goats!
-New England has named former USA defender Mike Burns as their Director of Soccer. I don't really knows what this means. It sounds like a General Manager position to me. One thing I hope they decided on ahead of time, is that Mike's job does not entail him to have to guard the back post at any time.
-Hell, they should put Burns in charge of making the field look playable. Watching on TV the other night, it looked horrible. Do they have no pride in their organization? It was all brown, and sandy and still had the frickin football lines. Pathetic. How can the fans take the team seriously if the team doesn't take the game seriously. Its not the fans job to show up. It is the teams job to make the fans want to show up. And the little things count.

Tune In Sucka

There is a lot of great American Soccer action to catch on TV this week:

Wednesday April 13
CONCACAF Champions Cup Semi-final - 2nd leg (1-1 after first leg)
Pumas UNAM v DC United
Fox Sports Channel
6:30pm central time

Friday April 15
MLS
Columbus v DC United
ESPN2
7pm central time

Saturday April 16
MLS
Real Salt Lake v Colorado
(RSL's first ever home game)
ESPN2
2pm central time

Saturday April 16
MLS
Chicago v San Jose
(the Peter Wilt memorial match)
Fox Soccer Channel
7:30pm central time

Holy Shit - They Fired Peter Wilt!?!? (Maybe Not?) (Oh Yes They Did!)

What is going on down in Chicago?? Fire Peter Wilt? What kind of sense does that make?
Chicago was always known as by far the most fan friendly team, and now their main architect is being replaced by the Vice President of the worst run team in the league.
Who is running this show?
Michael Lewis at Big Apple Soccer broke this one wide open!
I will keep following up on this and post all the articles I can find, right here.

added at 4:28pm - supposedly from a Chicago Fire press release (which I have not actually seen yet):
"The Chicago Fire announced that John Guppy has been named President & Chief Executive Officer of the MLS club, effective immediately. As President & CEO of the Fire, Guppy will oversee all front-office staff and business operations, including the Fire's new stadium project in Bridgeview. Peter Wilt, who has served at the helm of the organization since the team's inception in 1997, will retain the title of General Manager while overseeing all team personnel matters and assisting Guppy during the transition period."

added at 11:25pm - The above statement was indeed taken from an official Chicago Fire press release. But before I bring you the entire release I wanted you to see the words directly from Peter J Wilt himself. He is not being fired, but you can clearly see from the emotion of his words that this was not his choice, and it pains him greatly. It also seems clear that he will not be with the team very long as the General Manager. I fully expect him to move on as soon as possible. I know I would. The proof of his leaving is in his own words: "....Once the transition is successful, I will be able to consider new challenges."
Now compare and contrast his words with those of the "Chicago Fire Executive Management Entity" (I made this name up cuz I didn't what else to call it). The difference is there. I feel for those long time Fire fans. You are getting the raw end of this one.
He didn't jump with a parachute or get bumped up to first class, he was pushed out the back emergency exit.

added 1:50pm on Tue Apr 12 - Here's an inside account of an emergency supporters meeting held last night. Peter Wilt showed up, and talked to the faithful in attendance. Bill Quigley from the Fire fan site, The Fire Alarm, did a great job writing the words. The key to the article comes a few paragraphs from the end where Quigley makes it very clear that Wilt is already looking for a new job, and will be gone sooner, rather than later.
Of course the lunatics from bigsoccer.com have all been going wild for about 24 straight hours now. I did manage to find a few gems in all the posts.
Here are two (first and second) that I think best describe the supporters meeting.
Lastly I feel like I need to inject some humor here, in the form of a visual treat. A bigsoccer.com poster came up with a comparison that I think is so right-on that it makes me a little sick.

Tidbits Of News

-Samuel Eto'o and his Barcelona teammates lost to Real Madrid 4-2 on Sunday. Even worse, Eto'o will also lose at least the next 10 days on this career seeing as he tweaked his knee late in the game. So far the injury doesn't look serious.
-The Real-Barca game was very entertaining. It started with Puyol and Raul bashing heads while going for a loose ball. Raul got stitches. Puyol did not. Next it was Ronaldo crossing beautifully for Zidane to get the first goal as he dove low to head the ball home, and followed thru by bouncing his head off the post. Ouch! After that Beckham whizzed in another of his gorgeous free kicks and watched Fat Ronny cruise thru the defense to head home. Eto'o scored a beauty for Barca to make it fun. Owen had a great breakaway goal. And Raul trickled one in to finish Barca off. Of course it couldn't end without Ronaldinho adding some supreme skill to the action. He touched a free kick over the wall and perfectly into the top corner. Wow, that guy is amazing! Good fun!
-Stevie G suffered the notorious "groin strain", and is not gonna play for Liverpool this week when they travel to Juve for the second leg of the Champions League quarterfinal.
-In the always wild Hearts v Celtic Scottish Cup semifinal, Hearts fans booed the moment of silence set aside before the match to commemorate the death of the Pope. And while the mean bastard in me finds it really funny, it's just not.
-MLS madness in week 2 (analysis coming later): LA 3 - RSL 1; NE 3 - Columbus 0; Colorado 0 - Dallas 0; San Jose 3 - Chivas 3; DC 1 - Chicago 1

Tune In To ESPN2

Lots of action on ESPN2 this week:

2 of the 4 matches from the Champions League Quarterfinals (both are 2nd leg matches)

Tuesday April 12th at 1:30pm central timezone
Bayern Munich v Chelsea

Wednesday April 13th at 1:30pm central timezone
Juventus v Liverpool


And 2 MLS matches from week 3 of the regular season

Friday April 15th at 7:00pm central timezone
Columbus v DC United

Saturday April 16th at 2:00pm central timezone
Real Salt Lake v Colorado
(it's RSL's first ever home game!)

The Du Nord MLS Rankings for the Week of April 8

1 Kansas City - DC United
3 FC Dallas
4 Columbus
5 New England
6 Chicago
7 Colorado
8 San Jose
9 Real Salt Lake
10 Los Angeles
11 Metrostars
12 Chivas USA

WHY:
Co-Number 1's - KC wins at home with great attack, and a defense that can only get better after letting two in. But the tie goes to DC who wins big on the road against a serious home crowd advantage, moving them up a spot to share the top.
In 3rd - Dallas unveils that lethal attack and stays at #3.
Fourth - Goes to Columbus for pulverizing Steeeeeveee Sampsons discombobulated bushwhackers. They move up a spot!
5th - Is, New England who actually drop down two spots, but got a nice comeback win on the road. This spot feels right though, cuz I think I had them ranked too high to begin with. My fault.
In Sixth Place - Chicago lost at their rival, but on the road, and scored after going down a man. Not bad. If they can score they will be good.
7th - Colorado stays put after scoring 2 on the road in KC. The bummer is that their amazing goalkeeper Joe Cannon gave up 3. But ya gotta give em credit for the effort.
Number 8 - San Jose, drops a spot. They led 2-0 at home and settled for a draw.
Ninth Place - Belongs to new kids RSL who kept Metros off the board and earned their first point ever. On the road no less. I heard Eddie Pope stuffed his old team.
Big Ten - Its LA and they were horrible in a 3-0 beating by the Crew. Hahahahahah, Landycakes didn't play cuz he had a tummy ache.
11 - Is the Miserable Mets. A scoreless draw at home to an expansion team stocked with grandads and toddlers. Shame on you.
And 12th - Specially reserved for our Goatish friends from the City of Angels, who have no offense or defense to speak of. Ok, so they pass the ball around fairly well. Good luck winning with that.

Real -Barca

The gang is all getting together this weekend to watch the Real Madrid v Barcelona death match. The previous match was dominated by Barca, but that was at the Camp Nou. This time they get it on in Madrid at the Bernabéu.
During the match we will be grilling up some tasty treats, then afterwards we march enmasse to Logan Park for a good old fashioned Sunday Kick-around.
Its good to be alive.

Very Little News

-Seattle's excellent defender Danny Jackson blew out his knee while on trial with Real Salt Lake (they weren't going to sign him). What a drag for him and Seattle fans.
-During the U17 tourney in Korea, Metrostars boy wonder Eddie "Money" Gaven broke a finger quite badly. Yesterday he had surgery on it. They put pins in to help repair the bone. I have had three broken fingers in my life, so i know how much it hurts, but that must have been really badly broken for it to need pins. No thank you. He's supposed to be out a couple weeks. Luckily for the squad, the Mets don't play this weekend.

A New Sensation - Wooooooow

You all know Steve Sampson. Right?
Legend. Mentor. Heroic World Cup Coach. Supreme Being who gave the world the mighty 3-6-1 formation (so powerful it spawned its own magazine).
And you may not be able to conceive this, but once again, this man has turned the sporting world on its ear (it has ears?).
I understand that it's really quite difficult to imagine a mind so creative that it could design yet another whole new innovation to a game that’s probably thousands of years old. No one ever thought we would live to see one guy who could do it twice. But maybe we should all learn not to underestimate this man called Sampson.
Let me set a stage for you.
Last Saturday as the Galaxy were busy getting pasted 3-0 by Columbus, I scanned the lineup, I watched the flow, I mentally logged the substitution pattern, and like any good admirer of a master, I tried to absorb it all as quickly as possible and learn from it.
It took me the whole match and several days afterward to ponder what I had seen. I couldn't quite pick it out, but I could swear there was something different going there.
I am not exaggerating when I say, it truly hurt to think that much. I slept extra hours to refresh my mind. I ate as healthy as I have ever eaten to keep at peak cognizance.
After 4 full days of intense scrutiny on my part, and as I sat on the shitter, it hit me.
I said to myself, "No way dude. This can't be right."
I effortlessly wiped my ass, washed my hands with a bacteria killing soft soap, and got out big clean sheets of drawing paper. I did some graphing and some manic sketching.
And after yet another full day, this thing took on a shape right there on that paper.
Again I asked myself a question. "Could it all be this simple?"
Yes.
It was.
Just.
That.
Simple.
Sampson, that merciless bastard, had outdone even his own brilliant self.
It was a whole new soccer revolution. A true breakthrough for the new millennium.
Was this the first new branch to sprout in the world football oak tree since Rinus Michael's "Total Soccer"?
Yes! Yes indeed it was. And by god it was breathtaking.
Let me lay this out for you. (You might want to sit down.) Mr Sampson unveiled the power of the 4-6-0! You read that right. 4-6-0!
That's 4 in the back, behind 6 powerful midfielders, and absolutely no strikers. None. (Who needs 'em, those pampered pussies.)
Draw that out on paper for yourself if you don't believe me. It's gorgeous to look at. Go on, draw it.
Who needs anyone up front for you when you have this kind of a battering ram?
Galaxy GM Doug Hamilton promised not only winning soccer, but also entertaining soccer. (His words, not mine.)
This is obviously the amazing stuff he had in mind.
Hamilton is a frickin genius.
And Steve is a geniuses genius.
Can you imagine the fear and confusion this new lineup is causing all other coaches in the league. No one ever dreamed of such a force.
Whoever has to deal with this six headed beast next is going to wish they could face a significantly lesser opponent. (Like Arsenal or someone conventional like that.)
Impressive indeed Steve!
Your revolution has begun!
And I am in awe.

Aaah, Yellope (that's how my aunt says Hello)

-The beloved Carlos Llamosa was out of contract last Thursday at midnight. His club, New England never tried to negotiate a new one with him. So for now he is done. He blew out his knee last year and many thought he would call it quits then, but he has been working himself back into game shape. It's possible that NE will now try to get him signed at a much cheaper price. Or he might end up on another team. He is 35 years old, and says he still wants to play.
-Ives Galarcep from the North Jersey Herald extrapolates on the ins and outs of MLS as the season begins - Ives is one of my favorite writers.
-It's finally been made official - USA v Trinidad & Tobago In Hartford CT on August 17 at 7pm central time
-Champions League Quarterfinal first leg scores: Lyon 1 - PSV 1, Liverpool 2 - Juventus 1, Chelsea 4 - Bayern Munchen 2, Milan 2 - Inter 0
-Champions Cup Semifinal first leg score: DC United 1 - Pumas UNAM 1 (The other Semifinal, Saprissa vs Monterrey, is being played tonite. You can catch it live on Fox Soccer Channel at 9:30pm Central time)
-Guess what. Cameroon get to wear those crazy one piece body suits after all. You may not remember this, but last year they tried to wear these one piece uni's from Puma during the African Nations Cup, but FIFA said NO WAY JOSE, cuz they were too form fitting! This coming from the same organization that only 6 months prior, had suggested that women's soccer would become much more popular if only the teams would wear sexier outfits! Don't you just love a good old fashioned sexist hypocrite - Meet Your Perverted Neighbor Sepp Blatter. Luckily for all of us, a court has ruled that Cameroon can go ahead and be as sexy as they wanna be in their "leotards". Go Dudes Go.
-Columbus coach Greg Andrulis heaping praise on our boy Mark Schulte: "he looks like a big galooka." (I always thought it was "galoot")
-Speaking of Columbus, what is up with the color of Simon Elliots (quickly vanishing) hair. It's some sort of weird yellow. Or maybe it's just my TV, cuz no one would go out in public with hair that nasty looking (unless yer a crusty old punker dude).

This Could Be A Great One

Tonite
DC United v UNAM Pumas
Champions Cup Semifinals First Leg
7:30pm Eastern
Fox Soccer Channel

DMB & PSV

Quote from the uefa.com match report on the Lyon v PSV Champions League match that took place today:
PSV coach Guus Hiddink replaced Farfán with DaMarcus Beasley on 71 minutes and the visitors immediately looked more dangerous.
(And PSV scored 8 minutes later to tie the match at 1-1, setting up what should be a huge match next Wednesday in Eindhoven)

Not So Much News, As Just My Loudmouth Views

-Costa Rica gave their coach the boot (just like Trinidad & Tobago had done a few days before). Jorge Luis Pinto will be replaced by former CR head man Alexandre Guimaraes.
-Former Minnesota Thunder defender Mark Schulte signed with Columbus last week, and got the start in the season opener (3-0 win over LA).....Schulte played the full 90 at right back and seems to have earned lots of fine marks from coach and fans alike. I personally like Schulte, he is a nice guy and works his ass off. From watching a tape of the game, he did a really good job, especially his passing out of the back. This is all very cool for him. The hard work, the years spent in the A-League, and a year in Iceland are paying off. Plus he gets to start in the back three with the leagues best young defender, Chad Marshall, and the leagues best old defender, Robin Fraser.
-Idiots! Those two immature fools at Newcastle were at it again on Saturday. Lee Bowyer, the racist bastard that he is, got in a fight with his own teammate during the match. He punched Kieron Dyer, the loafer who only plays for himself, a couple times. Dyer deserves it. Probably not as much as Bowyer though, who needs a serious beat-down. And certainly not during a game! What fools. They both got sent off by the referee, and will get suspended for several games each. Their coach, Graham Souness, may not be the best manager in the world, but he doesn't take any crap from players, and I don't expect he will now either. Earlier this year, when Souness took over the team from the ancient Bobby Robson, he was heavily criticized for his arguments with "Star attraction" Craig Bellamy. Souness shipped Craigy-boy off to Scotland, which led to the "Experts" calling Souness every variation of Moron. Newcastle stunk before this episode with Bellamy. Now they don't. You tell me who the Moron is? And lastly, those two clowns who do the Fox Football Friday show, should stop for a minute on the air, and publicly admit they were dead wrong about who was at fault between Souness and Bellamy (cuz they pounded Souness mercilessly for weeks about it).
-I know I give the Mexicans a lot of crap, but really its more out of good humored respect. Sure, they have had their fare share of punks (Blanco, Garcia Aspe, Rafa Marquez, Luna, Luis Hernandez....), but they have also had tons of great players. My current favorite is Jared Borgetti. He is like a step up from Brian McBride in my book. A little more speed & flash, and he is just more accurate around the goal. I think he could play on any team in the world with his skill. Don't forget to keep your eye on Borgetti's latest strike partner, and the deadly left winger too: Francisco Fonseca and Jamie Lozano. I also really like their keeper Oswaldo Sanchez. Lastly I want to tip the hat in the direction of their veteran midfielder Pavel Pardo. He seems like a classy guy, who always shows respect to the opponent no matter how heated the rivalry is.
-Edson Buddle of Columbus was named MLS player of the week. He scored two in the win over the Galaxy.

Simon Kuper On Lyon

A new column from Simon Kuper in the London Financial Times about Olympique Lyonnais and their shot at winning the Champions League.
(Special note to Simon: Lyon will not get past PSV!)
The biggest reason I enjoy Simon Kupers writing so much, is that he brings a normal life view to the game. His stories usually involve the people in a city or a country and how the football relates to them. Its not just jocks, owners, politicians, and tabloid garbage, or straight-laced play by play game recaps.

Also - fifa.com has a story on the brilliant young Lyon midfielder from Ghana named Michael Essien (aka The Buffalo). All the big clubs are trying to buy his signature. I think he is good. (But not good enough to beat PSV.)

Da News This Monday Mornin'

-Great weekend for Fulham's little used striker Brian McBride. With the match against Portsmouth tied 1-1 McHead blasted up the middle on a counter attack, as the cross came in from his left he spun backwards to his right and side volleyed a powerful shot into the net for the game winner. Gorgeous move. I always say that it pays to take the shot quickly cuz it keeps the defenders and keeper off guard. It sure would be nice to see him getting more time on the field with Fulham.
-The LA papers were talking about the disappointing loss for Chivas USA in their first game at home. I fully expected DC to thrash them even worse than they did. But the real disappointment is that after all the big, loud about Chivas "taking the league by storm", they couldn't even sell out their first game. In LA! Come on. I thought this was supposed to be a revolution.
-Another Chivas note: as the team was taking shape, the owner Jorge Vergara was talking a lot of trash about how the team was going to dominate the league, and win the cup etc etc etc. Well last week Vergara's partner Antonio Cue said in an interview that they now have a 5 year plan for winning the cup. Whoa! One year to five is quite a step back.
-And yet another note regarding Chivas: They were terrible! It's going to take some fancy maneuvers to get some real players on that roster if they want to compete. Matt Taylor was particularly bad up front. He had three very good chances and didn't put one of them on frame.
-About MLS opening weekend; besides the hideous look of way too many empty seats (KC-13,484 / Dallas-10,504 / Chivas-18,493 / Metros-12,657 / San Jose-8,730), all the matches seemed to have been quite eventful. I saw some great goals being scored, and huge saves being made.
-Chicago has signed their second player named Lubos. Lubos Kubic was the first, and was one of their great players in the early years. Now they get Slovak forward Lubos Reiter, from Sigma Olomouc in the Czech Republic.
-Columbus has signed former Minnesota Thunder defender Mark Schulte. Schulte played in Iceland last year for IBV.
-I didn't see the game, just the highlights, but it looked as though Brad Friedel single handedly kept Man U from scoring in the 0-0 draw with Blackburn.
-We will be graced with THREE Champions League games this week! We usually only get one, and its usually Man or Real. But since they are both gone (!!!!!!!!!!), we get to see much more action. Should be great. Here's what's being shown in America:
Tue Apr 05 1:30PM Central on ESPN2 LIVE
Liverpool vs Juventus
Wed Apr 06 1:30PM Central on ESPN2 LIVE
Chelsea vs Bayern Munich
Thu Apr 07 5AM Central on ESPN2 (tape delayed from Wed)
AC Milan vs Inter Milan

I Know You Have Been Waiting For This!

The Du Nord MLS Preseason Rankings

1 Kansas City
2 DC United
3 FC Dallas - New England
5 Los Angeles - Columbus
7 Colorado - Chicago - San Jose
10 Metrostars - Real Salt Lake
12 Chivas USA

Here are the overly egotistical Du Nord preseason MLS team rankings.
Its simple...I pick who I think is best and I put them at the top, then go down the line till I get to the bottom of the barrel. For this initial ranking I have used very little criteria to make my picks.

Now join me in a run threw the insanity behind the picks, won't you:

Number 1 & Number 2 were playing last November for the league cup, But here I have KC over DC simply because KC added some veterans to a really good team, and DC lost its center back, Ryan Nelson (to Blackburn), who happened to be the best in the league, and they still haven't replaced him. DC have attackers and mad men every where you look on the pitch: Ben "lil Caveman" Olsen, Jaime Moreno, Alecko Eskandarian, Mike Petke, Dema "Fuck Dallas" Kovalenko, Christian Gomez, Freddie Adu, Brian Namoff and Josh "The Cast" Gross. But they are also stuck with Nick Rimando between the pipes. KC counter with an entire team made up of Coach Bob Gansler clones: Josh Wolff, Davy Arnau, Sasha Victorine, Jimmy Conrad (by far the funniest guy in the whole league), and Chris "Jesus Healed My Knee" Klein. Both are good. Hell, they could play for the title again this year.
Then we get Dallas and NE tied for 3rd. Both have pretty great looking offenses heading into the new season. Dallas has Eddie Johnson and Ronnie O'Brien already, and they add the sinister & deadly Carlos "El Pescadito" Ruiz to the team! (By the way, in the Birmingham paper they did a WCQ preview and put in a pronunciation guide to Carlos's lat name – they said its pronounced RU-eez. Isn't it ru-EEZ? Who edits that hillbilly rag?) That is impressive. Their midfield is still weak, and the defense lost Cory Gibbs but gained Greg Vanney, which may or may not be a fair trade out. New England has what I think is the best attacking front in the whole league. They line up Taylor Twellman & Pat Noonan in the front, with a midfield of Shalrie Joseph, Jose Cancela, Clint "Nagadoches Goth Boy" Dempsey, & Steve Ralston. But they too have a suspect defense.
5th place is a draw between LA and Columbus. LA has the instant draw back of Steve Sampson as coach. He will be like an anchor around the whole team's neck, and at any moment they could plunge to the bottom of the ocean. But all those new dude they brought in are exciting looking players, with a serious Latin flavor, and today they added three time USA player of the year Landycakes Donovan. It could be Explosivo! Columbus is the mystery team of the whole league. How did they go 18 games last year without a loss? Part of the reason is that they possess the leagues best old defender, Robin Fraser, and best young defender, Chad Marshall. For this year they have gotten rid of overrated striker Jeff Cunningham and brought in overrated striker Ante Razov to partner with Edson Buddle. Now here's an interesting case, this Buddle character. At one point I really thought he was the guy who was gonna be dancin' in those shoes that Eddie Johnson now owns. (The MLS ruby slippers.) The deal though, is that he is the creature you would get if you boiled the whole Columbus team down into one humanoid form. Is he great? Or lousy? Turns out he's neither. He's An Enigma! The Crew have a decent midfield with Kyle Martino and Simon Elliot. Another question is whether Danny Szetela will break out? Who knows. The other draw back is that they have the second worst coach in the League. Are their guy Greg Andrulis, and LA's Coach Sampson cousins? Can someone do a genealogy scan for me?
7th is a three way tie for who knows what between Colorado, Chicago and San Jose. Colorado has a new coach and almost a whole new roster of International types. No one knows anything about any of them. The teams steady attacking midfield duo of Chris Henderson and Mark Chung are both turning 54 this year, so no one knows how they will play. The best weapon the the squad is the best American defensive midfielder of all time, Pablo Mastroeni (or Pedro Macaroni as our friends living east of St Paul know him). He is a serious force back there. They also have a decent defender in Nat Borchers and the leagues best keeper in Joe Cannon. But can they score? Ever? Probably not. As for Chicago, they sold or traded their top strikers away (The Ra-Ra boyz: Razov & Ralph). They added a whole bunch of defense, but then the new guys all promptly got hurt. I have no idea who plays in the midfield on starting day. If its Jesse "Marshall Tucker Band" Marsh and Chris Armas with two anonymous wingmen, then they are in big trouble. San Jose lost the previously discussed Landycakes, Jeff "Old Goose Flips Us The Finger" Agoos, and 17 other really old guys. On the plus-side (not plus-size) they brought back Captain Sideburns (Wade Barrett) and got those two shithot young midfielders Danny O'Rourke and Ricardo Clark. Brian "Big Kahuma – Yea Right, Real Original" Ching and D'Wayne "The Rastafari Robot" DeRosario.
In tenth place we find the hideous mess known as Metrostars and the brand new team stocked with tons of old guys on the very very very very badly named Real Salt Lake. (Why that name? For some ungodly reason no one will ever know the answer, will they.) Mets backline is made up of "The Original Caveman" Jeff Agoos and about 30 young guys who couldn't get a try out with any other team on earth. Same goes for the strikers, who consist of John "Radar-Dish Ears & Gray Hair" Wolyniek, and another gaggle of woebegone dudes. But they do have Eddie "Money" Gavan in the midfield along side the fourth best player in the league, yet somehow current MVP trophy holder, Amado "My Eye! My Eye!" Guevarra. (Take a dive Amado..... I mean a bow.) Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention their big off season news, they signed Youri Djorkief. I'm sure he's nice and all but, come on! R.S.L. have nice color shirts, and they gots Jason Kries, Eddie Pope, Clint Mathis and Brian Kamler. Total combine age 212. Plus the picked up the escaped mental hospital patient known as Rustin "Rusty" Pierce. They also have 15 unknown guys under the age of 20, and who knows what to expect with them.
In last place, we have the Goats. Chivas USA. They are looking like a joke right now. Who are these guys. I guess we will find out come Saturday at 2pm central time on ABC when we kick off the season seeing them line up against the current title holders DC United. Good luck goat boys, yer gonna need it. And we're happy for ya that you got that brilliant coach Thomas Rongen to lead you to the promise land.


Lastly, I decided to pick one player from each team that will have to have an exceptional or break out year for that team to really succeed. This player could be a known commodity on the rise, a superstar, or a mostly unknown with huge potential. Each team has different needs, therefore a different kind of potential season changing performer.
Chicago - Andy Herron – They need goals badly, especially with Razov and Ralph both gone.
Chivas USA - Ramon Ramirez – A veteran is going to have to hold this team together because they are going to get beat a lot.
Colorado - Jean Phillipe Peguero – Another team that needs more scoring. Last year they allowed the fewest goals in the league, and sadly scored even fewer.
Columbus - Chad Marshall – Could he become the best defender in the league at age 20?
FC Dallas - Carlos Ruiz – His goal scoring as gone down every year (24-15-11). Dallas needs weapons.
DC United - Alecko Eskandarian – I predict that how Alecko goes, so goes DC.
Kansas City - Chris Klein – He drove the machine last year, until he blew his knee out.
Los Angeles - Guillermo Ramirez – With no more little fish, the other Guatemalan will need to make Steve Sampson looks good (good luck son).
Metrostars - Eddie Gaven – Can Youri Djorkief teach him how to be world class. I hope so.
New England - Clint Dempsey – He was impressive last year, but no one knows if he will continue to get better and better. His team will need it.
Real Salt Lake - Clint Mathis – Which Cleetus will show up? Monster or Loser?
San Jose - Brian Mullen – With no Landon, Mullen needs to take over the show in SJ.
After completing the list I noticed that all but one of these players is an attacker. I guess subconciously I want the league to be more open, and wild, and confident going forward Let's hope.

Now I think we are ready for Saturdays First Kick at 2pm Central Time on ABC.

The Gnews

-A Reason To Love Chivas USA
-One of the true joys in all of MLS is the humor of KC's Jimmy Conrad. Known for being very smart, wearing outrageously stupid clothes, and excellent practical jokes, he also has written a regular column for Sports Illustrated called Conrads Corner. But this year he has switched his allegiances to ESPN.
And the first jab of the year is ready for your reading please.
Jimmy Conrad Rules!
-Its official: Carlos "el Pescadito" Ruiz is now going to play for FC Dallas down in Tejas.
-Its official: Landon "Baby Jesus" Donovan is now going to play for the Galaxy out in The City Of Angels.
-After Trinidad & Tobago drew 0-0 at home against Costa Rica on Wednesday night, they immediately fired coach Bertille St. Claire.
-Some other surprising WCQ scores of note (With home teams listed first): Israel 1 - France 1; Slovakia 1 - Portugal 1; Uruguay 1 - Brazil 1