Monday, November 19, 2007

The SF Takeover News

Brucio image for The Offside Rules

What's up y'all? Our hero, Il Brucio is probably hungover (from Futbolitis) at 30,000 feet somewhere over middle America at this point. So while he is in transit from our nations capital back to The Land of 10,000 Lakes I'll be steering this ship....aground.

And who am I? SF from The Offside Rules, a blog about soccer with it's tongue planted firmly in (ass)cheek. Someone once said it was an unholy union of FourFourTwo, Maxim, Vice, and the Village Voice and I'm cool with that. Basically we have no orange slices or mini-vans, and we have precious little time for foreign games that don't feature yanks. Check it out sometime.

So now that the self-aggrandising (and possibly xenophobic?) intro and shameless plug are out of the way, let's get it on.


MLS Cup news

There is an avalanche of MLS Cup coverage and postmortems out there today. Since most of them tell you the same thing in 2,000 words or less by writers much more accomplished than I, I'll save you from having to hear my assessment. Instead I will now rank the quality of the publications in which they appear using champagnes to denote their excellence.

Dom Perignon
The New York Times
The LA Times
The Chicago Tribune
The Toronto Globe & Mail
The Guardian

Vueve Clicqout
International Herald Tribune
The Boston Globe
Seattle Times
The Houston Chronicle

Moet & Chandon
Victoria Times-Colonist
The Boston Herald
USA Today
Soccer America

Korbel
The New York Daily News
The Worcester Telegram
Cape Cod Times
Sporting Life UK
The Raw Story

Mum's
Outsports
Voice of America News
Trinidad & Tobago News

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When things hurt it's sometimes better to just get it all over with quickly. For that reason alone here is a special subset of "everyone associated with the Revs are depressed right now" news. Think of it like that Parade insert that's been in the Sunday paper since you were 7 but you've never read it.

The Boston Globe says the veterans are down and The Houston Chronicle say they're all bummed out -like having to watch The Joy Luck Club 4 times in a row-bummed out. Yahoo! says they are hurting. The Boston Herald lets us know that Stevie Ralston is banged up. Somebody should check on him every once in a while, maybe bring over a casserole or something. And don't forget about those long-suffering fans that had to get on what had to be one of the longest bus rides outside of going to boot camp or prison.


And if all that isn't enough to make you want to drive up there and start handing out hugs and prescription meds, Ives at Soccernet says that the Revs are too dependent on Taylor and payed the price while Goal.com says that the defense couldn't cut it. Oh, and some people alleged to be Liverpool fans have no love for Bob Kraft today.

---------------------------------

But these people seem much happier...



Now on the other hand, the Dynamo are busy being feted and fellated; despite looking like the living embodiment of Jar Jar Binks', Joseph Ngwenya is the man (and he still got robbed for the Goal of the Year) and the Houston Chronicle has that story. ESPN is calling Dwayne DeRosario 'dramatic', but not in an ER way while SI calls him an 'alchemist'. And if you are H-Town down don't forget that there will be a rally for the team tomorrow. No word of whether this rally will include hippie college kids or Black Panthers, but they always seem to be down for a rally so just look out for them.

In the end though, for me at least, Steven Goff has written the most important thing; it's all about continuity. (Are you listening Red Bulls?)


In non-MLS Cup news the Yanks played South Africa on Saturday and it was kind of a bore. At one point there were 6 players whose natural position is midfielder out there, which has to be some kind of record. We finally got a look at Jozy on the national team, but he didn't really get a look at the ball. Nice. One of the most boring Nats matches in recent memory.


West Ham plan to enter the fray of USL in 2009, where they replace the outgoing Seattle Sounders by fielding a side in Tampa, Fl. WesThampa anyone?


The effort to put a Philadelphia MLS expansion side in Chester, PA seems to be under the gun. The need 40 million in state funding to get it done but whether that will happen is up in the air. From what I hear the guys behind the bid are loaded...pay for it yourself, I'm sure you've got a private set or 2 you could sell.


Remember Troy Dayak of the 'Quakes? He's back with the newly revamped club working on their scouting ops. Apparently he showed up to open tryouts looking like quite the cowboy. Giddy up!

Grant Wahl at SI is reporting that Landon, Ruiz, and the Grown Ass Man will not have to be DP's next year to keep their salaries. Hopefully EJ and Ruiz send Landon a nice bouquet or something because without the Gals need to keep him they would both be sent packing.

Clint Mathis has been traded back to LA...maybe he'll end it where it all began.



Well that's all I got, but if you have something else feel free to knock it in the comments. It's been an honor and many thanks to Bruce for letting me do this. Holler at your boy.

SF


6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice when Twellman sniffed the vicks vapor rub on noonan's shirt before the kickoff on sunday?

Taylor was polite enough to ask, and noonan obliged though he looked a little put off by the whole thing.

During the crappy broadcast of the Nats game on saturday the camera continually fixed on great shots of crazy RSA fans. How about the heavy set lady wearing only a bra in the stands in south africa...Max Bretos stoped mid sentence and remarked "...wow..." like joey from blossum. pretty funny.

7:31 PM  
Blogger Zathras said...

Do not cast aspersions on Il Brucio. He is pure in mind, body and spirit and at all times free of intoxicating substances.

Except for the footbalitis.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Christopher said...

Couldn't tell if you were joking with the "six natural mids" comment, but if you were referring to the imfamous 3-6-1 of '98, then brilliant.

10:16 PM  
Anonymous DSM1 said...

Thanks for filling in for Il Brucio. Troy Dayak has long been noted for love of cowboy apparel. There was even a giveaway at a Quakes match, back in 2003 I think, featuring a Dayak bobblehead. Troy was portrayed in his Quakes uni wearing a black cowboy hat.

11:16 PM  
Anonymous Ken said...

I love how Foudy almost said "holy sh**" during the final.

4:49 PM  
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