Monday, November 24, 2008

Tales of Interest News

Listen to Shpongle while reading Tales of Interest News (currently touring the mid-west instead of Russia)

A Wild and Crazy Ride
Wow! After countless hours of action, wild swings of emotion, and hundreds of dollars spent the MLS season has finally drawn to a close. What a ride. Almost every team in the league had a shot at getting into the playoffs just a couple weeks from the close of the regular season, and one of those long shots stepped up and made a run powered by a meticulous note taker.

I’m speaking, of course of Osorio. He took a Red Bull that team that he admits did not respond to his training techniques and ideas as well as Chicago did and lead them on a crazy run to the final. Although many people have leveled charges of constant tinkering against Osorio, his obsession with studying every aspect of the game helped level Houston at home and scrape through against Real Salt Lake.

Unfortunately for the Red Bulls, this was the year that Sigi Schmidt’s plan came to fruition. Columbus season was capped with a win that was both pleasing to the eye and exciting. It was a great game for a neutral to watch.

Schelotto showed up in the big game with his brother and his former Boca Juniors coach watching. Three assists from Schelotto helped Columbus weather a first half full of Red Bulls attack before turning up the power and confidence to create a 3-1 win. That's six assists for Schelotto in the post season, 25 total for season.

Game Notes
-Both Padula and Hejduk’s hair was illustrious. I bet for this game they used both shampoo and conditioner.
-How about the difference in dress between Osorio and Sigi? Sigi was ready to head to the beach or a beer pong game while Osorio looked like he was ready for hostile takeover
-What’s with the empty seats? I know there was no Bekman and both Columbus and New York are a long ways away but come on.

1st Half (Warning: These minutes are not official)
9’ I finish my first beer.

10’ Both teams are playing well though Red Bulls are showing better attacking than Columbus. Will Hesmer has already been decisive on incoming crosses while Cepero is yet untested.

14’ Columbus is really weathering the storm, the Red Bulls look very dangerous

19’ Beer number 2 gone.

23’ Angel is showing up big with a great run into the Columbus area

27’ Gaven takes a great shot on goal – I spill most of my beer on my phone (it survived).

29’ Angel almost scores off a great cross by Dane Richards

31’ GOAL! Moreno picks up a great pass by Schelotto and makes a run down the side of the field. Cepero looked out of position. That’s beer number three done!

46’ Despite the goal Cepero is still looking good, handling crosses, and making saves.

Half-Time – 4th beer gone and I can tell there is a lot more life in this game. (Warning: The proceeding minutes are even less official)

51’ GOAL Wolyniec! He makes a great run and toe pokes it into the side netting. The old man has scored his 2nd goal of the season and 2nd in the postseason.

53’ GOAL Marshal! Schelotto curls a corner perfectly into the center of the box and Marshall smashes it home off his face.

56’ The Red Bulls haven’t given up and continue to launch dangerous counter attacks.

63’ 5th beer gone and Angel misses plays a cross that would have been a sure goal.

68’ Richards zooms past Padula and Padula has to foul him to stop a dangerous situation. Yellow for Padula.

72’ Padula and Richards start yelling at each other.

76’ 6th beer gone, Schelotto hits a great ball that slams into the crossbar. He had Cepero beat!

80’ 10 minutes to go. Can Columbus hang on? Can I finish another beer before the game is over? What do I have to eat in the apartment?

82’ GOAL Hejduk! Schelotto chips it into the area for an onrushing Hejduk who pokes it over Cepero and into the goal. Mmmm chips.

92’ Columbus starts bringing in the subs and I sub out my seventh beer.

-It’s dance party time! Lenhart, Padula, and Iro all stage a dance off in the middle of the field. There are tears of joy and tears of despair all around. The trophy is handed out and Don Garber mispronounces Hejduk’s name as Schelotto.

-I find that ranch goes well with cheap pizza and tatter tots.
-However, a glass of Egg Nog was not the right choice immediately after all that ranch. A few beers later my stomach has had it and I pass out early.

But you can email me at


Blogger yours truly said...

you are AWESOME.

5:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a lot of beer. No wonder you're fat.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Graham Fox said...


12:44 PM  
Anonymous Neal said...

I was reading the report ... then I saw reference to 1st Beer ... I said to myself, that's not Bruce! or did the California air get to him ... then another beer ... and I'm thinking .... Thanks for the update.

2:17 PM  
Anonymous Chris said...

great Futurama reference.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

anyone else see the Mighty Bruce on tv at about 5 minutes in? wearing Columbus gear with a bunch of other Crew fans.

Sleepy LaBeef

3:48 PM  
Anonymous jj said...

Bruce was with me and he was neutrally clothed, Sleepy.

He did try to chat up Julie Foudy, but she'd have none of it.

4:55 PM  
Blogger los milangas said...

Guillermo is just way too good!! :P

Cheers from Argentina.-

7:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You don't use conditioner?

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

rotten doppleganger! tell Brucio there's someone in Columbus who's waiting in the wings if he should fall

10:28 AM  

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