Very Little News

-Seattle's excellent defender Danny Jackson blew out his knee while on trial with Real Salt Lake (they weren't going to sign him). What a drag for him and Seattle fans.
-During the U17 tourney in Korea, Metrostars boy wonder Eddie "Money" Gaven broke a finger quite badly. Yesterday he had surgery on it. They put pins in to help repair the bone. I have had three broken fingers in my life, so i know how much it hurts, but that must have been really badly broken for it to need pins. No thank you. He's supposed to be out a couple weeks. Luckily for the squad, the Mets don't play this weekend.

A New Sensation - Wooooooow

You all know Steve Sampson. Right?
Legend. Mentor. Heroic World Cup Coach. Supreme Being who gave the world the mighty 3-6-1 formation (so powerful it spawned its own magazine).
And you may not be able to conceive this, but once again, this man has turned the sporting world on its ear (it has ears?).
I understand that it's really quite difficult to imagine a mind so creative that it could design yet another whole new innovation to a game that’s probably thousands of years old. No one ever thought we would live to see one guy who could do it twice. But maybe we should all learn not to underestimate this man called Sampson.
Let me set a stage for you.
Last Saturday as the Galaxy were busy getting pasted 3-0 by Columbus, I scanned the lineup, I watched the flow, I mentally logged the substitution pattern, and like any good admirer of a master, I tried to absorb it all as quickly as possible and learn from it.
It took me the whole match and several days afterward to ponder what I had seen. I couldn't quite pick it out, but I could swear there was something different going there.
I am not exaggerating when I say, it truly hurt to think that much. I slept extra hours to refresh my mind. I ate as healthy as I have ever eaten to keep at peak cognizance.
After 4 full days of intense scrutiny on my part, and as I sat on the shitter, it hit me.
I said to myself, "No way dude. This can't be right."
I effortlessly wiped my ass, washed my hands with a bacteria killing soft soap, and got out big clean sheets of drawing paper. I did some graphing and some manic sketching.
And after yet another full day, this thing took on a shape right there on that paper.
Again I asked myself a question. "Could it all be this simple?"
Yes.
It was.
Just.
That.
Simple.
Sampson, that merciless bastard, had outdone even his own brilliant self.
It was a whole new soccer revolution. A true breakthrough for the new millennium.
Was this the first new branch to sprout in the world football oak tree since Rinus Michael's "Total Soccer"?
Yes! Yes indeed it was. And by god it was breathtaking.
Let me lay this out for you. (You might want to sit down.) Mr Sampson unveiled the power of the 4-6-0! You read that right. 4-6-0!
That's 4 in the back, behind 6 powerful midfielders, and absolutely no strikers. None. (Who needs 'em, those pampered pussies.)
Draw that out on paper for yourself if you don't believe me. It's gorgeous to look at. Go on, draw it.
Who needs anyone up front for you when you have this kind of a battering ram?
Galaxy GM Doug Hamilton promised not only winning soccer, but also entertaining soccer. (His words, not mine.)
This is obviously the amazing stuff he had in mind.
Hamilton is a frickin genius.
And Steve is a geniuses genius.
Can you imagine the fear and confusion this new lineup is causing all other coaches in the league. No one ever dreamed of such a force.
Whoever has to deal with this six headed beast next is going to wish they could face a significantly lesser opponent. (Like Arsenal or someone conventional like that.)
Impressive indeed Steve!
Your revolution has begun!
And I am in awe.

Aaah, Yellope (that's how my aunt says Hello)

-The beloved Carlos Llamosa was out of contract last Thursday at midnight. His club, New England never tried to negotiate a new one with him. So for now he is done. He blew out his knee last year and many thought he would call it quits then, but he has been working himself back into game shape. It's possible that NE will now try to get him signed at a much cheaper price. Or he might end up on another team. He is 35 years old, and says he still wants to play.
-Ives Galarcep from the North Jersey Herald extrapolates on the ins and outs of MLS as the season begins - Ives is one of my favorite writers.
-It's finally been made official - USA v Trinidad & Tobago In Hartford CT on August 17 at 7pm central time
-Champions League Quarterfinal first leg scores: Lyon 1 - PSV 1, Liverpool 2 - Juventus 1, Chelsea 4 - Bayern Munchen 2, Milan 2 - Inter 0
-Champions Cup Semifinal first leg score: DC United 1 - Pumas UNAM 1 (The other Semifinal, Saprissa vs Monterrey, is being played tonite. You can catch it live on Fox Soccer Channel at 9:30pm Central time)
-Guess what. Cameroon get to wear those crazy one piece body suits after all. You may not remember this, but last year they tried to wear these one piece uni's from Puma during the African Nations Cup, but FIFA said NO WAY JOSE, cuz they were too form fitting! This coming from the same organization that only 6 months prior, had suggested that women's soccer would become much more popular if only the teams would wear sexier outfits! Don't you just love a good old fashioned sexist hypocrite - Meet Your Perverted Neighbor Sepp Blatter. Luckily for all of us, a court has ruled that Cameroon can go ahead and be as sexy as they wanna be in their "leotards". Go Dudes Go.
-Columbus coach Greg Andrulis heaping praise on our boy Mark Schulte: "he looks like a big galooka." (I always thought it was "galoot")
-Speaking of Columbus, what is up with the color of Simon Elliots (quickly vanishing) hair. It's some sort of weird yellow. Or maybe it's just my TV, cuz no one would go out in public with hair that nasty looking (unless yer a crusty old punker dude).

This Could Be A Great One

Tonite
DC United v UNAM Pumas
Champions Cup Semifinals First Leg
7:30pm Eastern
Fox Soccer Channel

DMB & PSV

Quote from the uefa.com match report on the Lyon v PSV Champions League match that took place today:
PSV coach Guus Hiddink replaced Farfán with DaMarcus Beasley on 71 minutes and the visitors immediately looked more dangerous.
(And PSV scored 8 minutes later to tie the match at 1-1, setting up what should be a huge match next Wednesday in Eindhoven)

Not So Much News, As Just My Loudmouth Views

-Costa Rica gave their coach the boot (just like Trinidad & Tobago had done a few days before). Jorge Luis Pinto will be replaced by former CR head man Alexandre Guimaraes.
-Former Minnesota Thunder defender Mark Schulte signed with Columbus last week, and got the start in the season opener (3-0 win over LA).....Schulte played the full 90 at right back and seems to have earned lots of fine marks from coach and fans alike. I personally like Schulte, he is a nice guy and works his ass off. From watching a tape of the game, he did a really good job, especially his passing out of the back. This is all very cool for him. The hard work, the years spent in the A-League, and a year in Iceland are paying off. Plus he gets to start in the back three with the leagues best young defender, Chad Marshall, and the leagues best old defender, Robin Fraser.
-Idiots! Those two immature fools at Newcastle were at it again on Saturday. Lee Bowyer, the racist bastard that he is, got in a fight with his own teammate during the match. He punched Kieron Dyer, the loafer who only plays for himself, a couple times. Dyer deserves it. Probably not as much as Bowyer though, who needs a serious beat-down. And certainly not during a game! What fools. They both got sent off by the referee, and will get suspended for several games each. Their coach, Graham Souness, may not be the best manager in the world, but he doesn't take any crap from players, and I don't expect he will now either. Earlier this year, when Souness took over the team from the ancient Bobby Robson, he was heavily criticized for his arguments with "Star attraction" Craig Bellamy. Souness shipped Craigy-boy off to Scotland, which led to the "Experts" calling Souness every variation of Moron. Newcastle stunk before this episode with Bellamy. Now they don't. You tell me who the Moron is? And lastly, those two clowns who do the Fox Football Friday show, should stop for a minute on the air, and publicly admit they were dead wrong about who was at fault between Souness and Bellamy (cuz they pounded Souness mercilessly for weeks about it).
-I know I give the Mexicans a lot of crap, but really its more out of good humored respect. Sure, they have had their fare share of punks (Blanco, Garcia Aspe, Rafa Marquez, Luna, Luis Hernandez....), but they have also had tons of great players. My current favorite is Jared Borgetti. He is like a step up from Brian McBride in my book. A little more speed & flash, and he is just more accurate around the goal. I think he could play on any team in the world with his skill. Don't forget to keep your eye on Borgetti's latest strike partner, and the deadly left winger too: Francisco Fonseca and Jamie Lozano. I also really like their keeper Oswaldo Sanchez. Lastly I want to tip the hat in the direction of their veteran midfielder Pavel Pardo. He seems like a classy guy, who always shows respect to the opponent no matter how heated the rivalry is.
-Edson Buddle of Columbus was named MLS player of the week. He scored two in the win over the Galaxy.

Simon Kuper On Lyon

A new column from Simon Kuper in the London Financial Times about Olympique Lyonnais and their shot at winning the Champions League.
(Special note to Simon: Lyon will not get past PSV!)
The biggest reason I enjoy Simon Kupers writing so much, is that he brings a normal life view to the game. His stories usually involve the people in a city or a country and how the football relates to them. Its not just jocks, owners, politicians, and tabloid garbage, or straight-laced play by play game recaps.

Also - fifa.com has a story on the brilliant young Lyon midfielder from Ghana named Michael Essien (aka The Buffalo). All the big clubs are trying to buy his signature. I think he is good. (But not good enough to beat PSV.)

Da News This Monday Mornin'

-Great weekend for Fulham's little used striker Brian McBride. With the match against Portsmouth tied 1-1 McHead blasted up the middle on a counter attack, as the cross came in from his left he spun backwards to his right and side volleyed a powerful shot into the net for the game winner. Gorgeous move. I always say that it pays to take the shot quickly cuz it keeps the defenders and keeper off guard. It sure would be nice to see him getting more time on the field with Fulham.
-The LA papers were talking about the disappointing loss for Chivas USA in their first game at home. I fully expected DC to thrash them even worse than they did. But the real disappointment is that after all the big, loud about Chivas "taking the league by storm", they couldn't even sell out their first game. In LA! Come on. I thought this was supposed to be a revolution.
-Another Chivas note: as the team was taking shape, the owner Jorge Vergara was talking a lot of trash about how the team was going to dominate the league, and win the cup etc etc etc. Well last week Vergara's partner Antonio Cue said in an interview that they now have a 5 year plan for winning the cup. Whoa! One year to five is quite a step back.
-And yet another note regarding Chivas: They were terrible! It's going to take some fancy maneuvers to get some real players on that roster if they want to compete. Matt Taylor was particularly bad up front. He had three very good chances and didn't put one of them on frame.
-About MLS opening weekend; besides the hideous look of way too many empty seats (KC-13,484 / Dallas-10,504 / Chivas-18,493 / Metros-12,657 / San Jose-8,730), all the matches seemed to have been quite eventful. I saw some great goals being scored, and huge saves being made.
-Chicago has signed their second player named Lubos. Lubos Kubic was the first, and was one of their great players in the early years. Now they get Slovak forward Lubos Reiter, from Sigma Olomouc in the Czech Republic.
-Columbus has signed former Minnesota Thunder defender Mark Schulte. Schulte played in Iceland last year for IBV.
-I didn't see the game, just the highlights, but it looked as though Brad Friedel single handedly kept Man U from scoring in the 0-0 draw with Blackburn.
-We will be graced with THREE Champions League games this week! We usually only get one, and its usually Man or Real. But since they are both gone (!!!!!!!!!!), we get to see much more action. Should be great. Here's what's being shown in America:
Tue Apr 05 1:30PM Central on ESPN2 LIVE
Liverpool vs Juventus
Wed Apr 06 1:30PM Central on ESPN2 LIVE
Chelsea vs Bayern Munich
Thu Apr 07 5AM Central on ESPN2 (tape delayed from Wed)
AC Milan vs Inter Milan

I Know You Have Been Waiting For This!

The Du Nord MLS Preseason Rankings

1 Kansas City
2 DC United
3 FC Dallas - New England
5 Los Angeles - Columbus
7 Colorado - Chicago - San Jose
10 Metrostars - Real Salt Lake
12 Chivas USA

Here are the overly egotistical Du Nord preseason MLS team rankings.
Its simple...I pick who I think is best and I put them at the top, then go down the line till I get to the bottom of the barrel. For this initial ranking I have used very little criteria to make my picks.

Now join me in a run threw the insanity behind the picks, won't you:

Number 1 & Number 2 were playing last November for the league cup, But here I have KC over DC simply because KC added some veterans to a really good team, and DC lost its center back, Ryan Nelson (to Blackburn), who happened to be the best in the league, and they still haven't replaced him. DC have attackers and mad men every where you look on the pitch: Ben "lil Caveman" Olsen, Jaime Moreno, Alecko Eskandarian, Mike Petke, Dema "Fuck Dallas" Kovalenko, Christian Gomez, Freddie Adu, Brian Namoff and Josh "The Cast" Gross. But they are also stuck with Nick Rimando between the pipes. KC counter with an entire team made up of Coach Bob Gansler clones: Josh Wolff, Davy Arnau, Sasha Victorine, Jimmy Conrad (by far the funniest guy in the whole league), and Chris "Jesus Healed My Knee" Klein. Both are good. Hell, they could play for the title again this year.
Then we get Dallas and NE tied for 3rd. Both have pretty great looking offenses heading into the new season. Dallas has Eddie Johnson and Ronnie O'Brien already, and they add the sinister & deadly Carlos "El Pescadito" Ruiz to the team! (By the way, in the Birmingham paper they did a WCQ preview and put in a pronunciation guide to Carlos's lat name – they said its pronounced RU-eez. Isn't it ru-EEZ? Who edits that hillbilly rag?) That is impressive. Their midfield is still weak, and the defense lost Cory Gibbs but gained Greg Vanney, which may or may not be a fair trade out. New England has what I think is the best attacking front in the whole league. They line up Taylor Twellman & Pat Noonan in the front, with a midfield of Shalrie Joseph, Jose Cancela, Clint "Nagadoches Goth Boy" Dempsey, & Steve Ralston. But they too have a suspect defense.
5th place is a draw between LA and Columbus. LA has the instant draw back of Steve Sampson as coach. He will be like an anchor around the whole team's neck, and at any moment they could plunge to the bottom of the ocean. But all those new dude they brought in are exciting looking players, with a serious Latin flavor, and today they added three time USA player of the year Landycakes Donovan. It could be Explosivo! Columbus is the mystery team of the whole league. How did they go 18 games last year without a loss? Part of the reason is that they possess the leagues best old defender, Robin Fraser, and best young defender, Chad Marshall. For this year they have gotten rid of overrated striker Jeff Cunningham and brought in overrated striker Ante Razov to partner with Edson Buddle. Now here's an interesting case, this Buddle character. At one point I really thought he was the guy who was gonna be dancin' in those shoes that Eddie Johnson now owns. (The MLS ruby slippers.) The deal though, is that he is the creature you would get if you boiled the whole Columbus team down into one humanoid form. Is he great? Or lousy? Turns out he's neither. He's An Enigma! The Crew have a decent midfield with Kyle Martino and Simon Elliot. Another question is whether Danny Szetela will break out? Who knows. The other draw back is that they have the second worst coach in the League. Are their guy Greg Andrulis, and LA's Coach Sampson cousins? Can someone do a genealogy scan for me?
7th is a three way tie for who knows what between Colorado, Chicago and San Jose. Colorado has a new coach and almost a whole new roster of International types. No one knows anything about any of them. The teams steady attacking midfield duo of Chris Henderson and Mark Chung are both turning 54 this year, so no one knows how they will play. The best weapon the the squad is the best American defensive midfielder of all time, Pablo Mastroeni (or Pedro Macaroni as our friends living east of St Paul know him). He is a serious force back there. They also have a decent defender in Nat Borchers and the leagues best keeper in Joe Cannon. But can they score? Ever? Probably not. As for Chicago, they sold or traded their top strikers away (The Ra-Ra boyz: Razov & Ralph). They added a whole bunch of defense, but then the new guys all promptly got hurt. I have no idea who plays in the midfield on starting day. If its Jesse "Marshall Tucker Band" Marsh and Chris Armas with two anonymous wingmen, then they are in big trouble. San Jose lost the previously discussed Landycakes, Jeff "Old Goose Flips Us The Finger" Agoos, and 17 other really old guys. On the plus-side (not plus-size) they brought back Captain Sideburns (Wade Barrett) and got those two shithot young midfielders Danny O'Rourke and Ricardo Clark. Brian "Big Kahuma – Yea Right, Real Original" Ching and D'Wayne "The Rastafari Robot" DeRosario.
In tenth place we find the hideous mess known as Metrostars and the brand new team stocked with tons of old guys on the very very very very badly named Real Salt Lake. (Why that name? For some ungodly reason no one will ever know the answer, will they.) Mets backline is made up of "The Original Caveman" Jeff Agoos and about 30 young guys who couldn't get a try out with any other team on earth. Same goes for the strikers, who consist of John "Radar-Dish Ears & Gray Hair" Wolyniek, and another gaggle of woebegone dudes. But they do have Eddie "Money" Gavan in the midfield along side the fourth best player in the league, yet somehow current MVP trophy holder, Amado "My Eye! My Eye!" Guevarra. (Take a dive Amado..... I mean a bow.) Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention their big off season news, they signed Youri Djorkief. I'm sure he's nice and all but, come on! R.S.L. have nice color shirts, and they gots Jason Kries, Eddie Pope, Clint Mathis and Brian Kamler. Total combine age 212. Plus the picked up the escaped mental hospital patient known as Rustin "Rusty" Pierce. They also have 15 unknown guys under the age of 20, and who knows what to expect with them.
In last place, we have the Goats. Chivas USA. They are looking like a joke right now. Who are these guys. I guess we will find out come Saturday at 2pm central time on ABC when we kick off the season seeing them line up against the current title holders DC United. Good luck goat boys, yer gonna need it. And we're happy for ya that you got that brilliant coach Thomas Rongen to lead you to the promise land.


Lastly, I decided to pick one player from each team that will have to have an exceptional or break out year for that team to really succeed. This player could be a known commodity on the rise, a superstar, or a mostly unknown with huge potential. Each team has different needs, therefore a different kind of potential season changing performer.
Chicago - Andy Herron – They need goals badly, especially with Razov and Ralph both gone.
Chivas USA - Ramon Ramirez – A veteran is going to have to hold this team together because they are going to get beat a lot.
Colorado - Jean Phillipe Peguero – Another team that needs more scoring. Last year they allowed the fewest goals in the league, and sadly scored even fewer.
Columbus - Chad Marshall – Could he become the best defender in the league at age 20?
FC Dallas - Carlos Ruiz – His goal scoring as gone down every year (24-15-11). Dallas needs weapons.
DC United - Alecko Eskandarian – I predict that how Alecko goes, so goes DC.
Kansas City - Chris Klein – He drove the machine last year, until he blew his knee out.
Los Angeles - Guillermo Ramirez – With no more little fish, the other Guatemalan will need to make Steve Sampson looks good (good luck son).
Metrostars - Eddie Gaven – Can Youri Djorkief teach him how to be world class. I hope so.
New England - Clint Dempsey – He was impressive last year, but no one knows if he will continue to get better and better. His team will need it.
Real Salt Lake - Clint Mathis – Which Cleetus will show up? Monster or Loser?
San Jose - Brian Mullen – With no Landon, Mullen needs to take over the show in SJ.
After completing the list I noticed that all but one of these players is an attacker. I guess subconciously I want the league to be more open, and wild, and confident going forward Let's hope.

Now I think we are ready for Saturdays First Kick at 2pm Central Time on ABC.

The Gnews

-A Reason To Love Chivas USA
-One of the true joys in all of MLS is the humor of KC's Jimmy Conrad. Known for being very smart, wearing outrageously stupid clothes, and excellent practical jokes, he also has written a regular column for Sports Illustrated called Conrads Corner. But this year he has switched his allegiances to ESPN.
And the first jab of the year is ready for your reading please.
Jimmy Conrad Rules!
-Its official: Carlos "el Pescadito" Ruiz is now going to play for FC Dallas down in Tejas.
-Its official: Landon "Baby Jesus" Donovan is now going to play for the Galaxy out in The City Of Angels.
-After Trinidad & Tobago drew 0-0 at home against Costa Rica on Wednesday night, they immediately fired coach Bertille St. Claire.
-Some other surprising WCQ scores of note (With home teams listed first): Israel 1 - France 1; Slovakia 1 - Portugal 1; Uruguay 1 - Brazil 1